Gardening follies

Right now, at this point, I am actually jealous of you green thumbs out
there, able to maintain your lawn, plants, bushes, and other living
green things. This jealousy won't last long, as this is something that
has NEVER interested me. I guess, to be honest, I have only been
concerned about this topic since my husband and I moved into our
own home and have seen neighbors with nice, immaculate yards.
Fortunately, there are a couple as inept as we are, so we don't feel too
bad! Anyway, in this last year we have hired 3 different so-called
lawn maintenance folks; 2 disappeared completely, and the 3rd just
massacred the little green stuff I had. Grass cut unevenly, bushes or
hedges or whatever you want to call them drastically reduced in size
and made unattractive, and sloppy cleanup. Hubby just wants to call
a professional landscaper; his reasoning is we may have to pay a bit
more, but get real service, resulting in a more attractive yard. I, on
the other hand, want to see if we can give it a go on our own. See, we
have a very small yard, less than 1/2 an acre. If we don't go overboard
we can probably maintain it ourselves. Fortunately, our good friends
the Thompsons, who live just a few blocks away, have very kindly
agreed to lend me their tools and expertise when the times comes.
They have a huge lawn, and it is always gorgeous. We'll see how it
goes, if we can do it ourselves, or just desperately call someone once
we realize that our thumbs are nowhere near green, but black! My
good friend and concerned observer at the restaurant, Mrs. Reagan,
oftentimes teases me when someone unwittingly gives me a plant or
flowers as a gift; she sort of pretends to be the voice of such plant or
flower, begging for help and rescue from my hands! It is kind of
funny when you think about it! Anyway, very concerned about Mrs.
Reagan last night. She came in moving VERY slowly, an extremely
pained look on her face; she hardly touched the food she ordered,
about 3 spoonfuls of soup, a bit of her tea. It was the worst I have
seen her since she got diagnosed with a serious disease last year. I
tried to sort of talk a bit, tell her a corny joke and a chock full of
drama restaurant adventure, but really to no avail; then we got busy
as she left. Frustrating when you see someone suffering and there
isn't a darn thing you can do for them. I just wish these medical
researchers would move a little faster in finding cures for stuff; I
need both of my hands, and maybe even a foot or two, to count the
regular customers at the restaurant who have some kind of serious
health issue, oftentimes the ones without a real, total cure. Well now
I just depressed myself, going from ineptitude in the garden, to
impotence in the medical field.....so to lighten the mood, let me close
with a blonde joke, they always cheer me up (Mrs. Reagan always
cringes when I tell those, she isn't blonde, but feels that I am being
unfair to the poor bimbos....I mean girls)!! So this blonde orders a
pizza to go, and the pizza shop assistant asks her if she would like
her pizza cut into 6 or 12 pieces. The blonde answers 'oh, just 6
please, I could never eat 12!'