It's all about the hair

Opened up my mailbox the other day, and what did I see but the annual
'Sports Illustrated' swimsuit issue. Inside I found about 20 scantily clad
bombshell models, naturally with names such as Fernanda, Veronica, and
Selita (have you noticed that there are never any models named Jane or
Mary?). Every year there is controversy about this certain issue of what
is probably the best sports news periodical. People get all up in arms,
screaming that almost nude babes is not a sport, that the one issue
diminishes what is otherwise considered a family magazine, how it is
just another example in the long line of exploitation of women, and on
and on. Then you will read the letters to the editor from people who want
to cancel their subscription. This year, 'Sports Illustrated' did something
different. A few weeks ago, they sent a notice along with the magazine,
asking you to advise them if you did not want to receive the Swimsuit
Issue, and if so, they would extend your subscription by a week. Obviously
they are hoping to avoid the screaming "cancel my subscription" letters
from puritanical folks with too much time on their hands. Anyway, back
to this year's edition. It features several photos in 3-D - yes, glasses are
provided - as well as a free I-Tune music download. Naturally the mag is
chock full of advertisements aimed at men - cars, motorcycles, cologne,
and beer. And of course, there are the swimsuits themselves, or in some
cases, slightly oversized bandaids, worn by the lovely young ladies.
'Sports Illustrated' always features "veteran" models while introducing
"rookies" (hey, they need to try to stay in the sports theme somehow!)
It is all good fun, I mean, I will never be able to wear these swimsuits, at
least not in public, and will never be as slim and trim as these girls, but I
am not really envious of all that, but of their hair! Some of these girls
have simply terrific hair - long, thick, and wavy. Every single one of the
20 girls have long hair - no short haired models. I remember one issue a
few years back when they tried a couple of short-haired girls; it was NOT
one of the most successful issues, evidenced by the fact you never saw the
short-haired models in their pages again. Obviously, for me anyway, the
dark-haired gals have the best hair, but even a couple of the blonder girls
have gorgeous tresses. Then I look at my dark, thin mane that I can't grow
too long because it gets weaker and even thinner, and the envy starts to
grow. I am tall, have above average boobs, and could be that thin if I
didn't eat from now 'til 2009, but I could never get hair like those models.
And that, my friends, is what really burns me up! It is all about the hair!